Smile

We’re continuing to consider ways to improve our chances of making a good first impression. In my last post, we considered walking that fine line between fear and focus. In this post we will consider one of the simplest techniques for improving first impressions: Smile.

The smile consistently ranks at the top of the list of reasons we like other people. Chris Widener, a leadership expert and coach, says that this is because people are drawn to optimists – the “glass half full” types. Successful leaders are optimists. They must be in order to overcome the inevitable problems and obstacles that come between them and their dreams. The result is that people who smile more tend to be perceived as leaders.

A note of caution here: Like Spiderman, we should always strive to use our powers (of communication) for good! It is possible to fake a smile or to “glad-hand” our way through a first meeting with someone. The problem with this, besides being ethically questionable, is that many people have finely-tuned BS detectors. They can detect a fake from a mile away. Being fake is often a shortcut to a horrible first impression. (Do you really want to chance wearing that dirty halo?) Our goal is to both be genuine and be perceived as genuine.

Widener asks us to consider how we respond to the simple question, “How are you doing?” Many times a day we field this question. We pass someone in the hall or they stop by our desk and we go through what might be an automatic ritual. Pay close attention to how we answer. If our answer is consistently negative, such as, “Pretty good – under the circumstances,” we might have some work to do. Other people don’t want to join us under the circumstances! No, they want to follow someone that’s on top of the circumstances.

Optimism comes naturally to some. For the rest of us, it might take a bit of work. Optimism may be something for us to develop over time – a kind of habit of living in the “half-full glasses” of our lives.

Spidey repeat: Only use our powers (of communication) for good. Don’t lie. Don’t fake an answer. If things are horrible, don’t put on a big grin and say, “Wonderful!”

Two final points:

• A smile will lift your mood! Psychology types talk about “the facial feedback hypothesis.” In plain language, several research studies have shown that what we do with our face influences how we feel. I won’t go into all the reasons and theories, but the reality is that putting a smile on your face can lift your mood and make you a more interesting and appealing person. Feeling follows action.
• A smile will change the sound of your voice – for the better! The range and subtlety of tone increases when you mix smiles and other facial expressions as you talk. This applies especially to talking while on the phone. Be animated. People can actually hear the smile in your voice.

The bottom line is that making a smile a natural part of our communication style will serve us well with first impressions and in everyday interactions.