Smile

We’re continuing to consider ways to improve our chances of making a good first impression. In my last post, we considered walking that fine line between fear and focus. In this post we will consider one of the simplest techniques for improving first impressions: Smile.

The smile consistently ranks at the top of the list of reasons we like other people. Chris Widener, a leadership expert and coach, says that this is because people are drawn to optimists – the “glass half full” types. Successful leaders are optimists. They must be in order to overcome the inevitable problems and obstacles that come between them and their dreams. The result is that people who smile more tend to be perceived as leaders.

A note of caution here: Like Spiderman, we should always strive to use our powers (of communication) for good! It is possible to fake a smile or to “glad-hand” our way through a first meeting with someone. The problem with this, besides being ethically questionable, is that many people have finely-tuned BS detectors. They can detect a fake from a mile away. Being fake is often a shortcut to a horrible first impression. (Do you really want to chance wearing that dirty halo?) Our goal is to both be genuine and be perceived as genuine.

Widener asks us to consider how we respond to the simple question, “How are you doing?” Many times a day we field this question. We pass someone in the hall or they stop by our desk and we go through what might be an automatic ritual. Pay close attention to how we answer. If our answer is consistently negative, such as, “Pretty good – under the circumstances,” we might have some work to do. Other people don’t want to join us under the circumstances! No, they want to follow someone that’s on top of the circumstances.

Optimism comes naturally to some. For the rest of us, it might take a bit of work. Optimism may be something for us to develop over time – a kind of habit of living in the “half-full glasses” of our lives.

Spidey repeat: Only use our powers (of communication) for good. Don’t lie. Don’t fake an answer. If things are horrible, don’t put on a big grin and say, “Wonderful!”

Two final points:

• A smile will lift your mood! Psychology types talk about “the facial feedback hypothesis.” In plain language, several research studies have shown that what we do with our face influences how we feel. I won’t go into all the reasons and theories, but the reality is that putting a smile on your face can lift your mood and make you a more interesting and appealing person. Feeling follows action.
• A smile will change the sound of your voice – for the better! The range and subtlety of tone increases when you mix smiles and other facial expressions as you talk. This applies especially to talking while on the phone. Be animated. People can actually hear the smile in your voice.

The bottom line is that making a smile a natural part of our communication style will serve us well with first impressions and in everyday interactions.

A First Impression Gone Bad

It was a first impression gone bad.

Malcolm Gladwell, best-selling author of “The Tipping Point,” allowed his usually-short hair to grow long and curly for the first time in a long time. When he did so, he noticed a couple of things:

• He started getting speeding tickets
• He was singled out for extra scrutiny by the TSA as he made his way through airport security

The icing on the cake for Gladwell, though, happened when a rape was committed near the New York City neighborhood where he lives. Armed with an artist’s sketch, police spotted Gladwell and started questioning him. The perpetrator depicted in the sketch had long, curly hair. Other than the hair, he shared no other features with Gladwell. In Gladwell’s opinion, it was obvious that he and the person depicted in the sketch were not the same person. Still, it took him 20 minutes to convince the police that he wasn’t the man they were looking for.

What made the “first impression” of Gladwell become so firmly entrenched in those police officers’ minds? Why was it so hard for them to let go of the impression they had formed based on just slivers of information? Out of these questions, Gladwell’s next best-selling book, “Blink,” was born. In it, Gladwell describes how the phenomenon called, “thin slicing” allows us to make decisions based on a bare minimum of information.

“Blink,” is fascinating reading. For those interested in communication and first impressions, it’s invaluable. It arms us with information that we can use to:

1. Craft more effective messages
2. Be more mindful of how we jump to conclusions (thin slicing)
3. Make better first impressions

First Impressions

First impressions are an important part of being an effective speaker and communicator. The problem is that we don’t have much time to make those first impressions! Have you even been listening to a talk and, after just a few minutes, realized that you had made a big mistake? If so, you have experience evaluating speakers using very little information and in a very brief period of time.

In an article published in the May 29, 2000 edition of The New Yorker, Malcolm Gladwell told the story of Harvard researcher Nalini Ambady. Using videotapes of teaching fellows that had been taken during a training program at Harvard, Ambady set out to examine the non-verbal aspects of teaching. Her plan was to have outside observers look at the tapes with the sound off and rate the effectiveness of the teachers using expressions and visual cues. When she looked at the tapes, she discovered that there was only about 10 seconds of footage where the teachers were shown without students in the picture. Ambady was afraid that the presence of students might bias the opinions of the observers. She almost abandoned the project, assuming that no observer could effectively evaluate using only 10 seconds of footage. Encouraged by her advisor, though, Ambady went ahead with the experiment.

Surprise! When presented with 10-second video clips, observers had no trouble rating the teachers on a 15-item checklist of personality traits. Next, Ambady cut the clips back to 5 seconds. The results were the same. They were even the same when she showed observers just 2 seconds of video. 2 seconds!

Here’s another surprise: When Ambady compared the results of these brief, video-only evaluations with those delivered by students that had spent an entire semester with those same teachers, the correlation between the results was extremely high. Not only do we make up our minds in a hurry, but we’re actually pretty good at it!

The bottom line for you and me: The research on how long it takes to form a first impression varies somewhat, but it’s clear that some in cases our listeners will be making up their minds about us before we even speak!