First Impressions
First impressions are important because
- Mom was right
- People make up their minds about us fast
- Halo effect
My mom used to tell me to, “Sit up straight, keep your elbows off the table, and watch your language!” For first impressions, she was absolutely right. Sit up straight: The truth is that people judge us by the way we carry ourselves — our posture, our clothes, our hairstyle. Keep your elbows off the table: Use manners, be polite, be gracious. Watch your language: Yes avoid the vulgar, but also make sure that our language is suitable for our audience. Avoid jargon and acronyms unless we define them.
When people evaluate us, they do it in record time. Some research suggests that the amount of time it takes for someone to build a first impression of us is as little as 2 seconds. 2 seconds! This is judging us before we even speak!
Once a first impression is made, it colors the way other people interpret the rest of what we do or say. This is called the Halo Effect. A good first impression creates a clean halo; a bad first impression creates a dirty halo that negatively affects the way people interpret our actions.
How to make a good first impression
- Relax
- Smile
- Don’t hunt. Fish!
The universal advice we hear about first impressions is: Relax! I don’t agree. I think that relaxing takes away our edge. I think a little nervousness under control is good for us. Athletes, actors, and famous public speakers confess to being nervous even though they’ve been playing or working for years. A little nervousness is a good thing. We can use it to our advantage, to help us focus, and to help us concentrate on what it takes to do a good job.
Do you know the #1 reason people give as to why they like someone? The person smiles. A smile not only changes the look of the face, it also changes the sound of the voice. People who smile are consistently judged as being friendlier, more competent, more trustworthy, and a better leader than those who don’t. We’re not talking about fake smiles, here. People have very good BS detectors. If we want to take a chance on destroying our first impression, fake it.
Hunting and fishing are very different sports. With hunting, there is hiding or searching and stalking. Once the hunter closes in on the prey, BAM!, he gets it with both barrels. With fishing, it’s all about presenting something attractive to the fish, displaying that you have something that the fish want. Note that with fishing, the fish won’t bite when they aren’t hungry. It’s important that when the fish aren’t hungry — they aren’t interested in our presentation — that we don’t turn to hunting. BAM! When it comes to our first impression opportunities with the people we meet, it is far better to fish than to hunt.
When we meet someone, hunting is like delivering a 3-5 minute wall of words. It doesn’t matter if they are hungry or interested. We deliver with both barrels. This can leave our audience with a negative first impression of us. Fishing, on the other hand, means that we still have the 3-5 minute “elevator speech” ready, but we deliver it one piece at a time. This has been likened to playing catch. We toss them the ball and wait for them to toss it back. We don”t hog the ball!
Let’s look at an example that’s very common — we meet someone and they ask us the one question we should always be prepared to answer: “What do you do for a living?”
“What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a coach.” (Stop here. Let them respond.)
“Really? What sport?”
“Not a sport. I coach software developers. My job shares a number of similarities with being a sports coach, however.” (Stop here. Let them respond.)
Note that in each step along the way, I’ve left an opening. I’m fishing for a response from them, not to hit them with both barrels. If they are hungry (interested), I’ve made it easy for them. If they’re not interested, I haven’t wasted our time.
